2 Ways to Stop Shutting Down During Conflicts
Psychology Today
by Mark Travers Ph.D.February 26, 2026
AI-Generated Deep Dive Summary
Shutting down during conflicts is often misunderstood as a sign of weakness or avoidance, but it’s actually a stress response tied to the nervous system prioritizing safety over communication. This habit can be changed by addressing two key internal patterns: interpreting conflict as emotional danger and letting physiological flooding dictate behavior.
The first pattern involves how individuals perceive conflict. Many view disagreements as threats due to past experiences with critical or intense caregivers, leading them to react as if their survival is at risk. This perception triggers shutdown behaviors like silence or withdrawal. To counter this, the article suggests reframing conflicts by focusing on present realities rather than past fears. Asking concrete questions about whether the conflict is about safety, preferences, or potential rupture can shift the brain from threat mode to situational processing.
The second pattern relates to physiological responses during stress, such as increased heart rate and shallow breathing, which impair problem-solving and empathy. Instead of forcing engagement or shutting down, calming the body first through techniques like deep breathing can help manage these reactions. By focusing on regulating the nervous system, individuals can improve their ability to communicate effectively during conflicts.
Understanding and addressing these patterns matters for mental health as it fosters resilience in relationships and prevents emotional overwhelm from escalating into shutdowns. This approach not only enhances communication but also promotes healthier ways of managing stress and conflict, benefiting both personal well-being and interpersonal dynamics.
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Originally published on Psychology Today on 2/26/2026