Are You Unrealistically Idolizing Others?
Psychology Today
by Judith Orloff M.D.February 13, 2026
AI-Generated Deep Dive Summary
Unrealistic idolization of others can lead to disappointment and unhealthy relationships, according to recent insights in mental health. The article highlights the importance of having realistic expectations of others rather than idealizing them, which often results in pain when those expectations are not met. Idealizing someone by ignoring their limitations or dismissing warnings about their true nature sets the stage for heartbreak, as seen in the story of Jean, a woman who ignored clear signals from her partner that he was not interested in a committed relationship. Her experience underscores how fantasizing about others and expecting them to change can lead to unnecessary suffering.
The article emphasizes that no one is better or less than you, and it’s crucial to believe what people tell you about themselves. For example, if someone admits they’re not the most giving person, that should be taken at face value. Trying to force a relationship to fit your idealized vision is like expecting a hardware store to serve up warm croissants—it simply won’t happen. This kind of unrealistic thinking can lead to frustration and resentment when things don’t go as planned.
The article also stresses the importance of self-awareness in relationships. By asking yourself whether you’re seeing the whole person, including both positive and negative traits, you can avoid falling into traps like magical thinking or ignoring red flags. It’s essential to evaluate
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Originally published on Psychology Today on 2/13/2026