Don’t Manifest More Pleasure. Do This Instead
Psychology Today
by Amy Campbell MClinPsychFebruary 26, 2026
AI-Generated Deep Dive Summary
Visualizing a better sex life might feel empowering, but research suggests that relying solely on this technique can actually reduce follow-through. While imagining your ideal sexual experiences can boost mood and create hopefulness, it doesn’t necessarily lead to real change. According to psychologist Gabriele Oettingen’s research, positive fantasies alone often replace the motivation needed to make meaningful efforts toward improvement. This is particularly relevant in the context of sexual wellness, where effort and deliberate actions are key to achieving satisfying experiences.
The article highlights that people who report great sex often attribute it to consistent prioritization, significant effort, and engagement. They describe investing attention and care into their relationships, emphasizing that great sex isn’t accidental or effortless—it requires intentional work. This contradicts the idea that visualization alone can create change, as feeling good doesn’t translate to taking action.
Instead of abandoning visualization entirely, the evidence suggests refining it through a process called mental contrasting. This involves holding two things in mind when visualizing your desired outcome: the future you want and the internal obstacles currently standing in your way. For example, if fear of rejection or self-criticism often gets in the way, acknowledging these challenges while still imagining your ideal sexual experience can create productive tension that motivates effortful change.
In the context of sexual satisfaction, internal obstacles like avoidance of vulnerable conversations, negative body views, fatigue, and emotional disconnection are common. Simply bypassing these issues through visualization doesn’t address them—it’s only by confronting and working through these barriers that real progress can be made.
The article concludes that mental contrasting is a more effective approach than traditional manifesting because it directly engages with the obstacles that often prevent change. By doing so, individuals can move beyond mere fantasy and take actionable steps toward improving their sexual well-being. This shift not only enhances intimacy but also fosters personal growth by encouraging self-awareness and proactive engagement in relationships.
Ultimately, while visualization has its benefits, understanding how to combine it with awareness of current challenges is key to achieving lasting change. For anyone seeking to improve their sex life, this approach offers a more grounded and effective path forward.
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Originally published on Psychology Today on 2/26/2026