How to Love Your 'Daughtering' Without Losing Yourself
Psychology Today
by Allison M. Alford, Ph.D.February 19, 2026
AI-Generated Deep Dive Summary
Adult daughters often face a challenging balance between loving their role and feeling exhausted by its demands. The article introduces the concept of "daughtering," which refers to the invisible yet significant work adult daughters do, such as coordinating family care, managing emotional burdens, and navigating identity pressures. This role is often undervalued and lacks clear boundaries or recognition, leading to feelings of guilt, resentment, or loneliness.
To address these challenges, the article offers five research-informed strategies. The first step is to name the work you do, both the tangible tasks and the emotional load. By acknowledging this effort, you reduce shame and gain clarity about your contributions. For example, recognizing that coordinating care is not just visiting but a crucial responsibility can help shift your perspective.
Next, embracing ambivalence is key. It’s normal to feel both love and frustration toward family dynamics. Instead of viewing these mixed emotions as negative, they should be seen as a sign of deep investment in relationships. Using descriptive language, such as "I’m feeling tender and taxed," helps avoid self-judgment and fosters a healthier mindset.
Finally, managing the tension between autonomy and connection is essential for maintaining mental health. Rather than trying to choose one over the other, adult daughters should focus on finding balance by continuously negotiating this dynamic. This approach allows for both independence and closeness, creating sustainable relationships that honor individual needs and family bonds.
Overall, these strategies help redefine what it means to love your daughtering role, emphasizing self-compassion, clarity, and healthy boundaries. By understanding and managing the complexities of this role, adult daughters can protect their well-being while maintaining meaningful connections with their families.
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Originally published on Psychology Today on 2/19/2026