How to Win at the Game of Love With Competitive Flirting

Psychology Today

by Raj Persaud MD FRCPsych

February 14, 2026

AI-Generated Deep Dive Summary

Valentine’s Day reminds us of common misconceptions about love, but psychological research sheds light on the importance of flirting in romantic relationships. This article explores "competitive flirthing," where women adapt their strategies depending on whether they’re attracting a man or deterring a female competitor. Effective female flirting involves signaling erotic availability to attract a male mate, while competitive tactics focus on establishing a bond with the target male to deter another woman. For instance, women in relationships may flirt to inspire jealousy, enhancing passion and commitment within their current relationship. The study, based on evolutionary psychology, suggests that men are drawn to cues of sexual receptiveness, which aligns with their genetic drive to pass on genes. However, this can backfire for women seeking long-term partnerships, as overtly suggestive flirting may attract men interested only in short-term relationships. Women face a delicate balance: signaling attraction while retaining the flexibility to end interactions if necessary. This complexity highlights why competitive flirting is more nuanced and challenging for women compared to men. Understanding these dynamics matters for health and mental well-being, as flirting influences self-esteem, relationship satisfaction, and even access to resources. It’s not just about romance; it’s a tool that shapes social interactions and can impact broader life outcomes. By recognizing the strategic nature of flirting, individuals can make more informed choices in their relationships, fostering healthier connections and reducing misunderstandings. Fliriting is ultimately a multifaceted skill with implications beyond mere attraction. It reflects how evolutionary principles shape human behavior and highlights the intricate dance between men and women in pursuit of love and partnership. This knowledge empowers readers to navigate the complexities of romantic interactions more effectively, enhancing their mental health and overall well-being.

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Originally published on Psychology Today on 2/14/2026