The Love Language of Perfectionism
Psychology Today
by Leon Garber LMHCFebruary 14, 2026
AI-Generated Deep Dive Summary
The article explores how unhealthy perfectionism can hinder love and relationships by preventing individuals from accepting their limitations and embracing imperfection. Don Carveth, a noted psychoanalyst, highlights that therapy isn’t just about boosting self-esteem but also curbing excessive pride, which perfectionists often struggle with. The piece argues that while perfectionism is often seen as a pursuit of excellence, it can become an unhealthy fixation that alienates people from meaningful connections.
Perfectionists tend to fear rejection in various aspects of life, such as social situations or hobbies, which prevents them from forming genuine relationships. They may fixate on achieving universal approval or avoiding failure, making it difficult for them to accept any form of rejection. This mindset not only affects romantic love but also friendships and personal growth, as the focus on perfection becomes a barrier to progress rather than a catalyst for it.
The article draws a parallel between perfectionism and the pursuit of status or immortality, suggesting that wanting everything often leads to dissatisfaction. Perfectionists equate settling with failure, viewing it as a precursor to prolonged unhappiness. However, embracing imperfection is key to finding contentment and fostering meaningful relationships. The piece emphasizes that healthy perfectionism supports love, while its unhealthy counterpart extinguishes the possibility of connection by prioritizing pride over acceptance.
For readers interested in mental health, this article highlights the importance of recognizing how perfectionism can block love and happiness. It encourages individuals to shift their focus from endlessly striving for excellence to accepting their limitations and
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Originally published on Psychology Today on 2/14/2026