The Magic of Love—and How to Sustain it
Psychology Today
by Pamela B. Paresky Ph.D.February 14, 2026
AI-Generated Deep Dive Summary
The article explores the transformative power of love and how it can be sustained in a marriage through understanding and effective communication. Renowned marriage expert John Gottman highlights that while arguments are not harmful in themselves, they often reveal deeper underlying concerns about belonging, safety, and connection. These "ultimate concerns" drive many disputes and, when left unaddressed, can lead to emotional distance and the breakdown of a relationship.
Gottman's research shows that only about a third of marital issues are solvable, with the remaining two-thirds being recurring. While arguments may seem chaotic, they present opportunities for growth, intimacy, and problem-solving. The key to a healthy marriage lies in how couples approach these challenges—whether through constructive dialogue or harmful behaviors like contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
The article also emphasizes the importance of physical connection and shared experiences in maintaining love and affection. Helen Fisher's research indicates that couples who stay together often engage in frequent physical touch, express affection, and explore new activities together. These elements foster novelty and keep the relationship vibrant over time.
Ultimately, the health and longevity of a marriage have significant implications for mental and physical well-being. Gottman’s studies reveal that unhappy marriages can lead to negative mental health outcomes, weakened immune systems, and even a shorter lifespan. Conversely, a fulfilling partnership contributes to greater resilience, happiness, and overall life satisfaction. Understanding these dynamics is crucial for anyone seeking to build or sustain a meaningful relationship, as it highlights the profound impact of love on both emotional and physical health.
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Originally published on Psychology Today on 2/14/2026