We've Lost the Spaces That Foster Friendship
Psychology Today
by Alicia M. Walker Ph.D.February 26, 2026
AI-Generated Deep Dive Summary
The article discusses the growing epidemic of loneliness in society, highlighting that the issue is not just an individual problem but a structural one tied to the decline of spaces where people naturally build relationships. These "third places," such as neighborhood bars, clubs, or hobby groups, have historically provided routine interaction opportunities that fostered friendships and social connections. Their disappearance has led to increased feelings of isolation and loneliness, which are linked to serious health issues like depression, cardiovascular disease, and even higher mortality rates.
The piece challenges the common advice given to combat loneliness—joining gyms, using friend apps, or seeking therapy—as it argues that these solutions focus on individual actions rather than addressing the systemic loss of shared spaces. Sociologist Ray Oldenburg emphasized the importance of "third places" in creating environments where people can casually interact and form meaningful relationships over time. The decline of such spaces is evident in fewer bar visits, decreased participation in social clubs, and lower attendance at religious services. These changes have disrupted the natural process of building close ties, which typically develop through repeated exposure, shared activities, and gradual self-disclosure.
The article also explores how certain communities, like BDSM groups, have managed to maintain structured, recurring interaction spaces that many mainstream environments have lost. Contrary to expectations, these communities often serve as hubs for strong social networks, providing emotional support, practical assistance, and even job referrals. Research consistently shows that participation in such groups is associated with better mental health outcomes, higher life satisfaction, and greater trust among members.
Ultimately, the article underscores why this matters for health: loneliness is not just an emotional state but a public health issue with significant physical and psychological consequences. Rebuilding opportunities for meaningful interaction in shared spaces could help mitigate these effects, fostering stronger social bonds that improve overall well-being.
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Originally published on Psychology Today on 2/26/2026