When Do We Become Adults, Really?
The New Yorker
by Shayla LoveFebruary 25, 2026
AI-Generated Deep Dive Summary
When do we truly become adults? This question has sparked debates across cultures, psychology, and society at large. The traditional markers of adulthood—marriage, career milestones, or reaching a certain age—often feel arbitrary when compared to the emotional and psychological experiences of growing up. As Shayla Love explores in her article, life stages are shaped by both internal feelings and external expectations, creating a complex interplay between personal development and societal norms.
The article delves into how psychologists like Jean Piaget and Erik Erikson have conceptualized growth through distinct phases. Piaget’s cognitive development theory and Erikson’s eight stages of psychosocial development offer frameworks that attempt to make sense of life’s progression. However, these models often feel disconnected from real-life experiences. For instance, Love reflects on her own marriage and the societal pressure it placed on her to see it as a defining moment of change. Similarly, her sister’s joking reference to her frontal lobe “finishing” at age 25 highlights how pop culture and science shape our perceptions of aging.
The piece also challenges the idea that life stages are universally applicable. Jeffrey Jensen Arnett introduced the concept of “emerging adulthood” in 2000 to describe the experiences of people in their late teens and twenties, followed by “established adulthood” for those aged thirty to forty-five. While these categories aim to capture the diversity of human experiences, they still feel limiting. Love questions whether such labels truly reflect individual journeys or if they impose rigid expectations that don’t align with everyone’s reality.
Ultimately, the article raises important cultural questions about how we define and experience adulthood. It matters because societal norms shape not only our identities but also our mental health and life choices. By recognizing the diversity of human experiences, we can create a more nuanced understanding of what it means to grow up—and why that journey is deeply personal, shaped by both internal growth and external influences.
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Originally published on The New Yorker on 2/25/2026