Why Dating and Relationships Can Be Awkward and Embarrassing
Psychology Today
by Jeremy Nicholson M.S.W., Ph.D.February 20, 2026
AI-Generated Deep Dive Summary
Dating and relationship conversations, such as asking someone out, discussing commitment, or ending a relationship, can often feel awkward and embarrassing. This discomfort stems from the threat to our "face"—the desire to be liked (positive face) and to maintain autonomy (negative face). These threats apply not only to ourselves but also to our partners, creating a complex dynamic where everyone involved feels anxious about potential rejection or overstepping boundaries.
Kunkel and colleagues identified eight specific face threats during relationship conversations. For oneself, concerns include appearing unattractive, seeming overly forward, coming across as insensitive, or losing a current relationship. For the partner, worries include making them feel inadequate or pressured to comply. These threats are particularly pronounced when pursuing goals like asking someone out or committing deeper, where both parties are navigating delicate social terrain.
Understanding these face threats is crucial for improving dating experiences and relationships. By focusing less on oneself and more on being curious about the other person, individuals can reduce anxiety and foster healthier connections. This approach not only eases awkwardness but also helps build intimacy and trust, which are essential for meaningful relationships. For those struggling with dating anxiety or intimacy issues, recognizing these social dynamics can provide a framework for navigating conversations more confidently.
Ultimately, addressing face threats in dating and relationships matters for mental health. Chronic avoidance of difficult conversations can lead to missed opportunities for connection and growth. By understanding the root causes of awkwardness, individuals can better manage their fears and build stronger, more fulfilling relationships. This insight is particularly relevant for younger generations navigating an "intimacy crisis," offering tools to overcome barriers and foster deeper emotional connections.
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Originally published on Psychology Today on 2/20/2026