Why You Can’t Heal Your Partner’s Trauma
Psychology Today
by Kaytee Gillis, LCSWFebruary 14, 2026
AI-Generated Deep Dive Summary
Trying to fix our loved ones' emotional struggles often stems from childhood experiences where we learned to suppress our own feelings to maintain harmony. This pattern carries over into adulthood, leading many of us to take on roles of rescuers in our relationships, blurring boundaries and hindering both personal and shared growth.
In their adult lives, individuals who grew up in traumatic or abusive environments often unconsciously recreate the dynamics they experienced as children. They may push their partners to address unresolved wounds, mirroring the hope they once held for healing from caregivers. This dynamic can become all-consuming, with one partner trying relentlessly to encourage therapy or make decisions for their loved one. However, this approach inadvertently replays painful childhood patterns, where we longed for change and safety but were left disappointed.
The truth is that forcing someone else’s healing is futile. While our intentions are rooted in love, they often stem from unmet childhood needs. By trying to control or fix others, we risk trapping ourselves in the same powerless roles we once faced. Recognizing that each person's journey toward healing is unique and self-directed is crucial. This shift allows us to focus on setting healthy boundaries and prioritizing our own well-being.
For those struggling with this dynamic, understanding that it stems from childhood wounds can be a powerful step toward breaking the cycle. It’s not about stopping
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Originally published on Psychology Today on 2/14/2026